Act Like A Man ... So I Can Date You

Recently I watched a promotional interview for Steve Harvey’s new book, “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man.” The advice Harvey gives encompasses straight forward, frank discussions on dating strategies for women. It wasn’t rocket science, mostly common sense. Sadly common sense isn’t quite as common as I once thought, so I guess it was inevitable that someone would write a book about the dangers of “putting out” too early on in a dating relationship. Harvey refers to this element a woman possesses as “the cookie.”

Keep your eye on the cookie.




For the sake of clarity, first of all, let’s define “man.” Here are some that I googled. A few of them made me laugh:



An adult male servant; also, a vassal; a subject.

A term of familiar address often implying on the part of the speaker some degree of authority.

A male human endowed with qualities, such as strength, considered characteristic of manhood.

Now let’s define “lady”:



A woman, especially when spoken of or to in a polite way.

A woman to whom a man is romantically attached.

A woman regarded as proper and virtuous.

And finally …

The attributes of a great lady may still be found in the rule of the four S's: Sincerity, Simplicity, Sympathy, and Serenity. - Emily Post

Following Harvey’s book introduction ladies then spoke on “the cookie.” A woman being interviewed who has integrated Harvey’s philosophy with her own, equated the children’s book, “If You Give A Mouse A Cookie” to the sex and dating philosophy.



For those of you not familiar, the story goes like this:

If you give a mouse a cookie,
He’s going to ask you for a glass of milk.
When you give him the milk,
He’ll probably ask you for a straw.

… Ultimately the mouse ends up taking a nap and repeating his list of requests …

Keep your eye on the cookie.





A couple nights after seeing this book review I watched “How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days” … again. It too is a common sense set of ideas regarding what men hate when it comes to dating, only it’s taken to the extreme to add to the humorous effect. If you haven’t seen this chick flick I highly suggest you place it at the top of your movie rental list.

I love Kate Hudson! And what woman would pass up two endless hours of staring and drooling over Matthew McConaughey, some of the time without his shirt?

It is important to know that in this movie, the character Andy, played by Kate Hudson, doesn’t give up the cookie, but the competition element is present as Ben, played by Matthew McConaughey, competes for a professional advancement based on that dating relationship. In other words, there’s a prize at stake … although it’s not the cookie.



So, what do I think? Stop reading now unless you REALLY want to know, but remember: Always keep your eye on the cookie.

As I said previously, one of the premises of Harvey’s “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man,” is that women give up “the cookie” too early in a dating relationship, and men have no reason to stick around. He suggests being in a dating relationship for ninety-days before having sex. He explains that when we begin a new job we typically have a ninety-day waiting period before benefits are available to us and states that sex in a relationship should be a high-stakes benefit.

As we all know, one-night-stands are fairly easy to come by, if that’s what you’re looking for. Most guys will at least try to get you into bed on the first date. By the second date, if they try and fail, there’s not likely to be a third date. Most of us don’t handle rejection well and hearing, “No” three times for a man can be equated to a baseball strike-out. Who wants to set themselves up for that?

Steve Harvey says, “Slow down ladies. You can’t run us off.” I’m afraid he’s wrong. You can, in fact, run a man off by not giving him sex. As Steve Harvey says, “Women now require less of men than they used to.” What he fails to mention is that men are quite aware that if you won’t put out there’s very likely another woman out there that would be happy to. Certainly, if the man is interested enough in you, he’ll continue to pursue you, even while they’re getting “the cookie” from someone else. But why would you want to be the milk to someone else’s cookie? *shrug*

Harvey’s book is full of useful information to apply to relationships … a whole buffet of pastries, so to speak.

Sometimes I wonder if I expect too much in my pursuit of a loving relationship. Are my standards too high? Does successful dating require us to lower our standards?

For an excerpt from Steve Harvey’s Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man: Chapter/Topic “We Need To Talk,” and Other Words That Make Men Run For Cover, click here.

For a synopsis of the first ten chapters, click here.

I only have three pre-dating requirements/deal breakers that I evaluate before making a date with someone. My list used to be longer, but that was before I weeded out the superficial stuff and realized what was really important for me to feel happy in a relationship:

1. Is he single?
2. Does he have a job?
3. Am I attracted to him?

After the preliminary qualifications are met there are four things I look for to determine whether or not there will be a date number two:

1. Does he have a sense of humor?
2. Could he engage intellectually, contribute to a conversation, and hold his own in a battle of wits?
3. Is there sexual chemistry?
4. Does he make the effort to maintain contact with me, demonstrate that he is thinking about me even when we are not together, and somehow want to factor me into his life (phone calls, text messages, email, visits/dates)?

As many of you know, in my Dating Experience 9,999,9999 series (Part I, II, and III)   Mr. Hot Rod met the first three qualifications and so a date number two occurred. Meeting the first three second date qualifiers is so rare that I was almost willing to overlook number four, but I didn’t. For those of you wondering about Mr. Hot Rod, I have seen him a couple of times since I last blogged, but the jury is still out and I’m approaching it more as another Experimental Experience only with a dating spin, rather than a hopeful relationship situation.

Nonetheless, it’s critical for me to know where I stand with someone before I put myself out there emotionally, physically, and especially sexually.

Do men and women really communicate that differently regarding life and love? We all remember this, don’t we?

So, ladies and gents, what’s your definition of “a man”? How about “a lady”? Do you expect enough when you date? Do men and women really approach dating differently? How do you communicate what you want to a man you are dating without coming across as “high maintenance”?


I’ve been dating for what seems an eternity! I’m exhausted!!! If Mr. Right exists where the hell is he?
Hugs, happy dating, thanks for reading, and keep your eye on the cookie!!! ;p



Read more: http://www.myspace.com/katina_aka_ace/blog#ixzz12kCwduUQ