A personal memoir to Holly

July 9, 1966 - June 11, 2012

As I prepare my heart and head for the funeral of an amazing woman … my friend Holly Ann Hancey Burton, I'm reminded of a few important life lessons. I’ve taken editorial liberty to incorporate some life lessons I’ve received from miscellaneous sources into lessons I learned from my friend Holly.

To those of you who didn't have the opportunity to know her, I'm sorry. To those of you who had the opportunity and missed it, shame on you. She was a warrior.

Some of you may have known her differently than I did, I’ll respect your experience, but this was mine. Some people judged her, but those people likely won’t be reading this because they judged me too and aren’t privy to my life or my FB page. Nonetheless I think it’s important to send a message to them, just in case: fuck 'em, but forgive 'em and on we go.

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good. Some days, even when you can’t go further than your bedroom door or the patio, you can always find a window. Right outside that window is the sun and when it shines on your face it makes you feel just a little bit better. Holly knew that.

2. Life is too short. Life is too short. Life is too short.

3. Your friends and family will always be there for you. They’ll get excited to read a text from you regardless of how seldom or frequent they come; and when there’s more than two or three they’ll praise the Lord you’re feeling well, even for just a while. They’ll always leave the bathroom door unlocked when they’re traveling with you, because they’ll never want to leave you in a lurch when you’re sick. Even after many strange men walk in on them over the years, you’ll never have to worry about being able to get into the bathroom, because you are loved. They'll sneak incense and other things into the hospital for you and break all kinds of rules just because they love you and want to make even one moment better for you.

4. It's okay to get angry with God. He can take it and he knows when he’s given you difficult challenges. That’s why he’s surrounded you with so many people who love you. I know we all drive you crazy sometimes to the point that you talk to your phone when it’s blowing up with text messages, but I’ve also seen the smile that softly appears on your face when you read those messages that make your heart fill with joy and love.

5. It's okay to let your children see you cry and swear and struggle and hurt. Your battles teach them that life is hard. Holly worried so much about her beautiful girls. She worried about what kind of example she was or wasn’t setting. I’ve watched her and I’ve watched her girls learn from her. I can’t imagine they’ve learned anything less than their mom has fought many battles and is a great warrior. That’s one hell of a legacy Holly.

6. It's never too late to be happy, but it’s all up to you and no one else. In my last conversation with Holly she was so happy. She was so full of the possibilities of summer and the peace the warmth of the sun could bring to her body and soul. I believe God wanted to take her to him at a time she was filled with that inner joy that made me love her so much.

7. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special. I remember trying to come up with the perfect gift idea for Holly early on in our friendship. I asked Abby what I should buy and she said, “Mom loves everything.” I never forgot that. Although I used to send gifts to the house, I selfishly liked to deliver them myself to be present to watch the inner joy rise from within her heart as she opened a gift and celebrated it. Regardless of how small it might be, the gift to her was love.

8. Over prepare, then go with the flow. Holly wanted to be at Brooke’s wedding and painstakingly prepared for that day. She was too sick to go. She tried so hard, but just couldn’t make it. A couple years later she called me over to her house where she had a beautiful pair of red heels that she commanded I try on. She always liked my heels and wished she could wear them. I tried them on, they fit, she deemed them mine and told me to take them home. I tried to get the story out of her. “Why are they mine? You’ve always wanted to wear heels. Let’s go somewhere now and you can wear them.” But she wouldn’t respond and told me to take them or she’d throw them away. It wasn’t until Tuesday when I was visiting with her mom, Chris and the girls that I discovered they were the shoes she had bought to wear to Brooke’s wedding.

9. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple. Holly wore purple. Holly wore pink. Holly wore whatever made her happy and she didn't care what anyone thought about it. I so admire her for that. I can see her dancing in Heaven in the most beautiful gown, amazing accessories, and YES heels! :')

10. Always choose life. Holly did. On June 11, 2012 God called her home.

You are missed my dear friend. I will always remember the smiles you put on my face. The joy you brought to my heart. The way you made me feel human and loved and important. The way you made me feel like a warrior mom, loved and needed by my babies. You were a gift to me from God when I felt abandoned by the world … and I was … until I turned around and there you were to comfort me. I hope I thanked you enough, but don’t know that it’s humanly possible to do so. Thank you Holly Ann Hancey Burton. Thank you for being my friend and thank you for trusting me to be Abby’s Nouna. I will do everything I can to care for her as she continues to grow into the amazing woman she is becoming, the example you set for her. I love you. I miss you. Farewell my beautiful friend ... xoxoxo