Dating 101

Bachelor 1: Calls every morning at about the same time for four days. He is SO full of himself and sharing information CRITICAL to my knowing how fabulous he is that I can hardly get a word in edgewise. During our last conversation he says, "I'm going to be in your city today [as if we lived hours apart] and might be able to break free for about 30 minutes to meet you for a cup of coffee." I pause to see if he'll specify a time or if I'm expected to keep the entire day open, just in case he can "break free." He doesn't. I tell him I have a busy day planned and don't really know what the afternoon will bring (thinking this will encourage him to specify a time). Nothing. He continues to talk, and talk, and talk and tells me that he's flying out to California the following morning, to Vegas from there, and likely his life won't settle down until sometime in August. So I say, "Well, when you're back in the city and feel like scheduling a time to meet give me a call." Finally there's silence on the other end of the line. So I continue, "Or if you're too busy, that's okay too." I'm not being bitchy, just using my regular conversational voice and hoping for some sign of recognition that I might have a life too. I really don't expect or care to hear from him again.

Three days later: He calls. He wants to tell me that if I'm not interested in meeting him that's really too bad because I seemed like such a nice person. WTF??? Are we breaking up? We haven't even dated yet, let alone established that we ever will. I explain that I am in fact a nice person, thank him for noticing, and elaborate on the fact that he hadn't tried to schedule an actual date with me, maybe based on all the chaos involved regarding his travels for work. I explain that I usually expect a specific time when being asked on a date and don't keep an entire afternoon open for anyone. He attempts an apology for being "pushy" (try passive-aggressive or just plain stupid) and says he'll call me mid-week to give me a couple days to plan my schedule for a specific time and place. OH, and please let me mention he's 45 ... Sheesh!!! Getting a date for prom in high school was easier than this!

Bachelor 2: Messages me frequently over a period of a couple of weeks although messages border on flirtation they're friendly at best and I don't perceive there to be any interest in an actual date. We even speak on the phone once or twice at which time I express that I despise the dating game and feel like if two people want to meet there's certainly an adult way of going about it. I even "vent" a little about bachelor number one. Then I receive "THE" message. "Are you interested in me as more than a friend?" How does one answer that without having actually met the person? I respond with "I guess we'd have to get together to see."

Several days pass: Probably three (NOTE: Clearlake Jerk will have a field day with this!). I receive a message stating, "I give up. I can't seem to keep anyone's attention long enough to actually get to know them." At first I start to feel bad, then I get kind of pissed and respond with, "You can't get a date without asking someone on one and scheduling a time and place."

I used to think dating was exhausting. But it's the actual tutoring adult men on how to go about dating that's the real drain. Aren't men supposed to know this kind of stuff already??? If not, there really needs to be a class!