State Champion Gymnastics Meet

FRIDAY GYMNASTICS PRACTICE:

My mom, my hyper little kiddo son, and I sit and watched Madison practice for two hours. Mind you this was following a two hour Girl Scout meeting (during which no one gave me the heads up we were going hiking, I usually keep my hiking shoes in my car, but today we are in Mom's car, and I'm wearing 4" heels). The gym was packed with children of all shapes and sizes due to the upcoming meet who were pumped up on adrenaline. In comes John "The Coach" who I adore ... However, John now wants to run the girls through their routines. So we wait yet another hour. As many of you know, when children get hungry they get grumpy. When women get hungry, tired, have grumpy children, and their feet hurt, they just get bitchy. LMAO!

We've made arrangements to stay in a hotel in the "quaint" town of Heber and therefore forgo a 1 1/2 to 2 hour drive to get Madison to the stadium by 8:15 a.m. Saturday morning for warm-ups. We soothe our hunger pains by stopping in Park City for dinner and then proceed to the colossal town of Heber.

Those of you who may have had any inclination at all that I was Type A, please table your thoughts; for my mother is the ultimate, the supreme, the utmost Type A personality known to mankind. She wants to find the hotel first then the stadium. I suggested we flip the locations. We of course go with my mother's idea. Besides, she's driving, it's her car, and I don't wish to upset her because her driving has already scared the BeJeezus out of me!!! Upon seeing the hotel I hear clicks of the children's seat-belts unbuckling and see visions of them throwing themselves out the door of a moving vehicle to get to the swimming pool I promised would be awaiting us at the end of our journey (this is just one of the many "reprogramming" issues we have to deal with as they bounce between homes). When I'm really tired, but not hungry, I can get really silly so I begin laughing hysterically (because I know my mom isn't about to admit we should have found the stadium first), elevate my voice a notch and say, "BUCKLE, BUCKLE, BUCKLE, BUCKLE!"

I suggest following the simple suggestions John had given me. Nonetheless, my mom, knowing the address of the hotel, begins the usual process of "finding" a location which for her entails numerous U-turns which she does not perform well. Finally I say, would you like to try my idea. Too tired and frustrated to continue she admits defeat. We follow the step by step instructions John had put in my hand and drive directly to the stadium which is less than 10 minutes from the hotel. Mission accomplished!

THE NIGHT:

We head back to the hotel, take the kids swimming, I shower them both and put them to bed. I thought it only fair to give my mom her own bed and snuggle into the other one with Madison and Demitri. I feel VERY LARGE! ;p This may be funny in a moment.

I can't sleep a wink but am laying in a relaxed position when suddenly Demitri has some sort of muscle twitch (like fucking Turrets!), I feel his butt and legs hit me from behind, my legs are off the bed and I allow my butt to fall to the floor. Having realized I've just been knocked out of bed by my seven-year-old, I decide Mom no longer deserves her own bed and cuddle up on the opposite edge of it so as not to disturb her.

SATURDAY - COMPETITION DAY:

All too soon the alarm goes off, I jump out of bed and get ready, put on the same outfit from yesterday (I know gross!), and my feet are already pulsing. We have breakfast in the hotel cafe, I praise God for coffee, and we head to the stadium. We unload the chidlins from the car, get Madison to the staging area, find our seats and begin to relax. It dawns on me that I've left my camera in the trunk so I get the keys from Mom and walk out to get it. Upon my return Satan ... I mean, my ex-husband is sitting in MY chair next to Demitri, with his whore ... I mean, wife next to him. Without missing a beat, I walk up the stairs, ask her kindly if she'd mind moving over one seat, to which I receive no reply, I slip past her and him to take my seat next to my son, sit down and notice they're gone. My son asks me where Daddy went. Although it takes me a moment to spot them, I point them out to Demitri and explain they're welcome to sit with us. He says nothing and stays put. God bless his little heart; he wants to be with Mom!

Throughout the day, the couple known as Satan and his bride will do anything in their power to stay as far away from us as possible ... as far away from me. Honestly, were they expecting me to go sit by myself? What in the hell were they thinking? Were they thinking?

Finally the competition begins! My daughter performs marvelously!!! Although just yesterday she performed at least five flawless routines, she's a hair off on her jump splits which throws her off balance but recovers quickly! Anyone who has ever competed knows you can do it perfectly a million times, but the only thing they score is the one routine you do on the day of competition.

I talk with her following the event, she's happy with her routine, seems confident, and feels good about her performance! That's all a mother could ask for! I'm TOO proud for words!!! She tells me they've pushed the awards ceremony back two hours and she's going to have lunch with her team. I congratulate her, hug her, kiss her, tell her about the essence of her true fabulousness, and that we'll return shortly! Mom, Demitri, and I go into the hot shopping district in town for fabulous finds (like the book "The Modern Goddess' Guide to Life" ... which I'll be blogging about later).

We return to the stadium for the awards ceremony. I am running everywhere shooting photos and sneak down onto the floor (where only coaches and competitors are supposed to be) to give each of the girls on Madison's team a rose to take with them to the podium. I tell each of them they've done a great job this season and give them a hug. I give Madison a bouquet of her own and tell her she is my champion and that I couldn't be more proud of her! ... I didn't get caught! Or maybe people are just too afraid to approach me anymore! For whatever reason, I've succeeded in my sneaky little operation!

We wait THREE MORE HOURS before Madison's event is called. My baby took third place in state finals!!! As Gay would say, "She's my little tramp champ!"

Her dad tells her congratulations and leaves. The look on her face is NOT good and I curse myself for not having been close enough to hear the conversation. Because at that point my feet were numb and I would have been willing to put a foot up each of their asses and gladly left the heel!!!

We're all starved yet again, stop to eat, and then return home. The moment Madison walks in the door she looks down at her trophy and says, "Mommy, it would have been nice to be the state champion." I'm stunned! Having looked at the posted scores at the stadium I tell her, "Madison, this was your first year ever competing and you were amazing! This is different that other meets; you were competing against the best of the best! Do you know you were four-tenths of a point away from second and only one point away from first? Some of those girls have competed for years! Look on the bright side, now you have a medal in every color! You have a first, two seconds, and a third! Now we just have to figure out where to put them all!"

She smiled at me and we hugged. I just hope I chose the right words, said the right things, did the right things ... Satan and his bride are on my shit list ... Eh, what else is new?!