Thursday, October 9, 2008

Cougars ... I am woman. Hear me ROAR!

Yesterday while at a BBQ on the upper east side of somewhere everyone has far too much money than they know what to do with; I found out that an old girlfriend of mine (two years my senior) had recently remarried a 25-yr-old guy, was expecting a baby (as if one wasn't enough ... LMAO ... j/k ... those of you who know me well know that I HAD to say that!), and was living her happily ever after. I'm truly happy for her! Her first husband cheated on her with anything in a skirt so she took half of his very productive business earnings and started over; although they remain friends like grown-ups of shared children should. (NOTE: For those of you who don't believe she deserved half, tell it to someone else who hasn't been in the same predicament for fifteen years trying to work from home to run a business, raising two children, and otherwise holding down the fort regarding anything and everything regarding bills, children, finances, etc., thereby supporting and allowing her husband to pursue his business trips to make the millions while bringing home God knows WHAT as he got into her bed to make supposed "love" to her.

Now before I begin saying ALL (because believe it or not there is SO much more I have to say on this topic ... stop laughing Pink, Kar, Merc, JB, JJ, Stan the Man, and anyone else who knows me all too well ... I love you all!) ;p ... I like to consider myself a fair person regarding most topics and therefore want to share an opposing viewpoint with you. I've pasted an article in written by some Canuk who, by the way can bite my half-Greek, half-Italian, well-rounded, perfectly proportioned ass! We'll get to the ass-biting, nibbling, or whatever your (hopefully) well developed and fully creative imagination can picture. Please feel free to let your imaginations fly!!!

Here's the dimwits article and link because God knows I wouldn't want to take ANY credit (Ugh ...) for HIS words: http://www.nerve.com/dispatches/murnighan/cougar/

On first glance, nothing appears strange. There are thugs at the door and you pay a $5 cover to a woman with big hair. The bar is pretty large — big enough for two small dance floors — and even though it's early it's already almost packed. The walls are lined with mirrors and guys with thumbs in their jeanpockets; on the dance floors, women groove in pairs and the occasional guy substitutes an unfortunate swaying motion for dance steps. But when you get your Molson and lean back against the bar to scope out the crowd, that's when it hits you: the women here are not your age. Or they're your age and up — up and up. Up to your mom's age, and beyond. And then you finish your beer, order another one, maybe chug that one too, then wait for one of the women to talk to you.
In Canadian slang, they are called cougars: women in their thirties, forties, fifties, maybe even sixties, going after men a decade or three younger. I am one of these men, and I've taken an hour-long bus trip into an industrial suburb of Toronto to find myself at cougar central: Blue Suede Sue's on a Thursday night. There are other bars and other days of the week when a younger man can go out and expect to meet older women, but Thursday is the cougar night of choice, and Sue's is the hottest prowling ground.
Cougars in Toronto, despite the behavior of the mammal in the wild, tend to travel in packs. And, if you didn't know better, you would probably think they were groups of women from your office, in the midst of a hot Ladies Night out on the town. They are full-figured and dolled up in open blouses, push up bras, bustiers — outfits whose singular intention seems to be to say, "I have boobs." Acid-washed jeans are also de rigueur, and almost no one has denied herself the possibilities of hair bleach, teasing and spray. It's cougar night, all right, and they're out — many even wearing leopard skin.
THE END (of him ... in more ways than one I hope. I seriously doubt he'll ever get laid again, unless he's looking for a dimwitted female twenty-years his junior, which many men are. I have NO doubt THIS arrangement would of course be OKAY with him).
By the way I looked pretty damn hot in the bustier I wore to the Cher concert in Vegas and all the flamers were buying me drinks as we danced in the isles!!!
Let me begin with his talk of "boobs." Every man, in fact many women, look at boobs. I do! I'm not a lesbian, but I look! It's almost as if our eyes are magnetically drawn to a woman's cleavage, especially if they're up there and looking good (as are mine by the way). For those of you who haven't yet had the pleasure of knowing me well, I'm not bragging AT ALL!!! I simply am able to ascertain for myself my strengths (a.k.a. "'ass'ets") from a hole in the ground (a.k.a. my non-strengths) ... yes, I'm making up words again ... I just don't like the word "weakness" even though we all know we have them ... ;p
Next I would like to address the leopard print all us Cougars are wearing ... and yes, I have some in my closet as I type this.
Animal print has been in fashion from interior design to clothing and accessories for decades! And if you look good in it WHY NOT!!! It's on the runways, the red carpet, in the park, on your clutch, around your neck (I'd like to use one of my silk leopard print scarves to cut off the Canuk's air supply) ... Here are some examples for your viewing pleasure:

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Ladies, if you don't have at least one pair of leopard print panties I suggest you drop whatever it is your doing RIGHT NOW and run, don't walk, to the nearest lingerie boutique! And guys ... here's a note for your little black books or spreadsheets I hear many are keeping now ... we wear them because we feel sexy going out with the girls, to the grocery store, and home alone!!!

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YES, you guessed it! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it!!!

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Can you say, "YES, YES, YES!" worn with a pair of black jeans and my off one shoulder black and brown tiger striped top!!! Mix and match ladies! GO WILD!!!

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One of the many scarves I was discussing to use as a strangulation device earlier ... I'd imagine they could be used for many things ... ;p

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I would wear either of these in a heartbeat!!! Even to pick up my children at school, strut through the parking lot at the grocery store, or many other number of places (Although beware the horny senior-seniors as per previous blog!) ... Although, I'm not 18-years-old or anorexic and I have boobs! There's that word again ...

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Red carpet, red lipstick, and does she look like she gives a damn about what anyone thinks? I'd say she looks and feels quite fine!
So ladies and gents, Urbancougar is not a stigma, it's a sophisticated species of female who seeks the pleasure of younger males ... possibly because they're more likely to cling to you like a pup that knows it has something that's NOT worth losing! ;p
Maybe we enjoy the freedom of the hunt, have overcome the taboos related to sexual identity, embraced our true selves, and now want to live our lives to their fullest throwing away our own baggage and not wanting to deal with anyones! When you start a new relationship you should be ready for adventure, know what you want and NOT be afraid to go after it! Certainly we all have pasts and issues that need to be addressed from time to time; but why not celebrate a new lifestyle with a woman who is strong and proud enough to not only wear it but BE a true COUGAR!!! Good luck finding that kind of strength and passion in a woman twenty-years your junior!
Life it too short to waste time NOT having fun, not being passionate about whatever or whoever you are! Ladies, embrace your bodies, embrace your style, if you don't have a style create one! I'll shop with you ... it's SO what I love! And Gents, maybe you'll be smart enough to join the craze of hot COUGARS everywhere who are shouting from the roof tops, I've lived, I've learned, I've loved and I want to grab ahold of life and enjoy it for all it's worth!!!

We ARE women! Hear us ROAR!!!

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